Tonight I sit here and ponder. My heart feels raw, open and deeply painful. Tears roll down my cheeks nearly uncontrollably. There are days when I think I can’t continue on because the pain of being alone is sooo deep that it slices the center of my heart and then it feels so heavy I don’t know if I can bear the weight.

I grew up surrounded with people; friends, family and community. I had deep, somewhat meaningful relationships. I was able to have deep conversations with my friends. Granted I was known to think outside the box so not all conversations were welcome to the other parties.

Why has my life taken this path? It wasn’t at all what I ever imagined my life to look like. I love people, entertaining, being among friends and having fun.

I always thought I would find my soulmate, the love of my life. Someone with which to share life, divide my sorrows and double my joys. I think of the lost loves of my life, that chose another life.

Then I think of those who married the one they thought was their soulmate, but now they live a very lonely life. Some still married without connection, some divorced and alone now.

I love kids and wanted several kids (I actually wanted a dozen) because the more the merrier. I visualized a life of fun and laughter with no dull moment.  Little kids, teenagers… I wanted all of it.

Fun times….          play times….           difficult times…..          fights….          love…..          Hugs & Kisses!

Then I think of those that do have kids and yet they are alienated from them due to no fault of their own. I can’t imagine how deeply painful it must be.

One day the neighbor called me and said the mother put my little baby in a cardboard box on a cold winter night and placed her on the doorsteps of another neighbor’s house. My heart broke and ripped in 2  and I spent hours in agony over this. I wanted my baby girl back, but she was now in the custody of CPS and I was 6 hours away and not licensed. I cried for her and prayed for her. This picture of the angel watching over her was a solace for me.

I think of conversations I have had with others. Others that feel lonely and struggle with it. Why this loneliness in a big world full of people? What are we looking for? There must be more that we seek.

The real raw truth is that most of us are not comfortable with Love. We think we want it and we evaluate ourselves by the love we feel or don’t feel. We make decisions based on love. Most of the time we are looking for love from other people. We seek to please to get love. We base our value on the love we receive or don’t receive.

Ultimately, we seek that love from others because of a deep internal feeling. We may know what the feeling is or we might not know so we try to find someone or something to fill that deep internal longing, desire or emptiness. It doesn’t matter how successful we are in life, how much money we have or how many good things we have, there is still a deep internal desire for more, or actually for something deeper.

We look for love and connection to erase pain that is deep inside. We know the pain is there but we don’t really understand what causes it or why it is there. It is just pain, pain that is so deep we are scared to actually touch it. Sometimes we don’t even know the pain is there because we try to do things to ease the feeling we have and therefore we numb the pain and reality. We are afraid to look deeper because of fear of what we might find.

The problem is most of the time we don’t actually connect with what is deep within us. We are scared to connect or don’t know how. We allow things to get in the way of connecting.

The love we are looking for is actually Love and Acceptance from ourselves. Most of us don’t actually know how to do that because we don’t know how to connect with ourselves, with our deep inner core being, the eternal of us, the part that always was and always will be. Sometimes we connect for a little bit or we connect to some level, but then distractions veer us away.

Life is a journey and so much of the time we miss the journey because of life. We miss the important part of the journey. Nothing surpasses deep inner connection with ourselves and then to dare to love ourselves. But when we do at first it is almost painful because it is so beautiful, so deep, so healing. Then we start to feel that love and we allow it to seep deeper and deeper. And every drip of love seeping deeper inside soothes and we find it becomes easier to become more vulnerable.

Jesus said, Love is the greatest commandment. He also said to love one another as you love yourself. We cannot love others well until we learn to love ourselves.

TIP:  Take all the negative things in your life and place them out in front of you (so they no longer take up space inside you), keep doing this until you have placed everything in front of you. Now since it is all out there notice it represents some kind of image. Notice the image and now move that image out to the end of your driveway. Since all the negative things are out at the end of your drive you are now with yourself and take sometime to focus on who you are. Allow yourself to connect with the depth of your core being.

Sometimes we hold on to something so much that it cannot blossom and grow —— we want to make sure we get it right —- we want to make sure others don’t take it in a wrong way, or go the wrong direction with it. So we hold on to it keeping it inside our closed fist.

We don’t realize that by doing this we are losing out in the potential, losing out on the value that it has.

What is the IT you hold in a closed fist to protect and to keep safe? Perhaps it feels too sacred to let it go?  Notice that as you hold it so tightly you can’t even see it, nor can you enjoy it. Others cannot see the beauty of it.

Letting go is what will allow it to blossom and become all you really want it to be.

“Plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”

“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD. -Jeremiah 29:11

This morning I am thanking Jesus for his goodness. “No Matter What!” (even though my phone fell in the water and doesn’t work right, it isn’t fully paid for yet and I don’t have insurance on it) God is still God and he is a GOOD God and my lips will praise him.

For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

When God looks at us He sees us from the future…. WOW! that is such a big deal. Little things in life can get our focus off of God and his plan for us. When we only see the small finite things of today we tend to be troubled and frustrated. God is looking at a much bigger picture.

He sees us growing everyday and he guides us in the way he wants us to go.
He sees the crowds of people in front of me and how they are being impacted. He sees the TV show I am on that is spreading out to goodwill to many many people across the nations. He sees the lives that are being changed through the words of my mouth and the touch of my hands.

Look into the future and know the desires of your heart are GIVEN TO YOU by your Father. Speak them over yourself. See them coming to you now.

Take some time and WRITE out the things you desire to do in your life. Write them out as if they are already happening. Time has no constraints to God, so what happens in 10 years is the same as today to God. God is Spirit and our Spirit connects and interacts with His Spirit. Don’t think the desires you have are merely YOUR desires. They have been placed there by GOD.

Take delight in the LORD, and he will give you your heart’s desires. Psalm 37:4

Why would he give you your hearts desire? Because he placed them there!

Determine Your Full Potential

At its heart, achieving your full potential is about being the best person that you can be and is about expressing yourself to the fullest.

What is your Full Potential? What are some of the things you have longed to accomplish for a long time, perhaps ever since you remember?

What is your Vision for your Life? It is after all your life and you will live it only once. Perhaps you have a picture in your mind of what you want. Or you may have several items on your bucket list. It is very important that you know where you want to go or else you end up where you don’t want to be.

One of my favorite quotes of all times is from Alice in Wonderland.

“Alice came to a fork in the road. ‘Which road do I take?’ she asked. ‘Where do you want to go?’ responded the Cheshire Cat. ‘I don’t know,’ Alice answered. ‘Then,’ said the Cat, ‘it doesn’t matter.”

Commit to Your Own Achievement

Once you have confirmed your vision is realistic and achievable, and you know it is your heart’s desire at its peak, start working on it. The most difficult part people face is to actually begin. That first step however small it is certainly is the best gift you will ever give yourself.

When you set your vision, it doesn’t have to be set it stone. Times change and people change, therefore you need to allow yourself the space for your vision and goals to change and fit in with your surroundings. You may discover once you start goal setting that you can actually reach much higher goals than you ever imagined. You always need to leave room for more and growth.

Set S.M.A.R.T. Goals

The best gift you can give yourself is to set S.M.A.R.T. goals. S.M.A.R.T. goals are defined as being specific, measurable, achievable, results focused and time-bound.

Set Your Action Steps in Small Increments

Take baby steps. As a child you didn’t go from crawling to running. You took baby steps, then as you became steadier on your feet you picked up speed. Once you have attained the energy and the mindset be sure to take it at a pace to keep it at eye level. Never take your eyes off your goal.

Embrace Pain as a Stepping Stone

Accept pain as life sustaining. Failures and setbacks are a natural part of life and will happen. Failures are a simple way of showing you what works and what doesn’t. In development of the light bulb Thomas Edison failed many times. He didn’t class any of those as failures. He simply said he learned many ways that did not work and there was only one way that worked.

Build up Your Confidence

Find the confidence inside yourself. It is there even though it might be buried deeply. Confidence is defined in different ways for different aspects of what your goal is.

Find a Support System

Get support. No matter what you are dealing with, it helps to have external support. This could mean friends, family, coworkers, or buddies at the gym, depending on your goals and environment.

Depend on your Intuition

Develop intuition. Intuition comes from experience and instinct. Some people tend to follow their intuition, while many like to “jump the gun”, or go with their gut instinct. Strike a balance between these two.

Know when it is appropriate to follow your instinct.

Arrive to your Full Potential

Arrival is not a destination. It is a state of being. See yourself as already having arrived. Your potential is within you and as you gain the confidence you will be able to see yourself in a much different light and you will be doing the things you used to dream of and go places you always wanted to go.

Benefits to Living your Powerful Potential

Very few people ever truly get to this stage. The biggest reason is fear. Fear of failure, fear of success, fear of rejection, fear of not being loved, fear of being hurt, fear, fear, fear… You are probably aware that fear itself is just an illusion, created in your mind, by your thoughts. Thinking negative thoughts will be destructive and stop you dead in your tracks from unleashing your greatness.

Once you remove fear from your life you will live to your Powerful Potential.

Get the Full Book Here.

“What makes you vulnerable makes you beautiful.” ~Brene Brown

We live in an era where people consistantly put up many walls, fences and roadblocks to keep people out. We have been hurt and wounded and fear further hurt. So the easiest remedy is to block it all off. We end up with a society of many people feeling lonely and alone. That is because we are using a mechanism we think will protect us.

Vulnerabilty is to allow every part of yourself to be utterly and completely open. There is no holding back for fear of judgement or rejection. It allows you to be ‘real’ and true with who your are and every aspect of yourself. Being vulnerable is not just about showing the good parts of you, but allows you to reveal your insecurities without shame or fear.

Seldom do we consciously choose to be vulnerable. It is too difficult!

If we are truly authentic, there is a great possibility of being rejected and at the least misunderstood or labeled. For that reason most of the time we try to hide behind some sort of facade, but the truth is at one time or another the facade will go down and someone will see something about us that we didn’t want them to see. It is very difficult to know how to respond at such a time.

The most beautiful thing to experience though is complete willingness to being vulnerable.

It is so beautiful and authentic, it draws people in to you and allows them to open up in ways they generally don’t allow themselves to open to others.

As Criss Jami’s said: “To share your weakness is to make yourself vulnerable; to make yourself vulnerable is to show your strength.”

Oft the way to the goal seems so weary and long,
Trials almost take away my song;
Then we sigh and we cry and we ask,
‘Father why does this life my wishes all deny?’ 

Chorus-
My ways, my child, are not your ways,
My thoughts are higher than thine.
Let me lead you each step of this long weary day,
Let me clasp thy trembling hand in mine.

It is my hearts desire to do His blessed will,
And to serve my Master every day;
But when things all go wrong and the world doubts me still,
Then, oh Lord, I can-not understand.

So I’ll leave all to Him, He has promised to share
All my load and ev’ry care to bear.
There is joy in my heart and on my lips a song,
Even tho’, Lord, I don’t understand.

These lyrics resonate deeply with my own journey through life. Oftentimes, the path to my goals feels so weary and long. Trials almost take away my song, leaving me to sigh, cry, and question, "Father, why does this life deny all my wishes?" In those moments of despair, I yearn for clarity and understanding, seeking answers from a higher power or simply from the world around me. The chorus gently reminds me that my ways and thoughts are not the same as the divine. It speaks of a greater purpose, beyond my comprehension, and offers the comforting image of a loving parent guiding me through these challenges, holding my trembling hand.

I genuinely desire to do His blessed will and serve my Master every day. But when everything seems to go wrong, and the world continues to doubt me, I find myself struggling to understand. It's hard to reconcile my devotion with the confusion and pain caused by external judgments and circumstances. This inner conflict is a constant battle, as I try to maintain faith in the face of adversity.

In the final verse, I find myself surrendering to a higher power, accepting that I won't always understand everything. I've learned that sharing my burdens with the divine brings a deep sense of joy and peace. This acceptance has allowed me to shift from questioning to trusting, finding comfort in the knowledge that I don't need to understand everything to find contentment. It's a journey from frustration and doubt to a place of peace, rooted in faith and trust. These lyrics reflect my own struggles and growth, capturing the essence of my human experience as I navigate the tension between desire and reality, faith and doubt.

Remember how the Lord your God led you all the way. Deut 8:2

All the way! That phrase holds so much depth and meaning. It's a profound reminder that in every moment, in every season of our lives, the Lord has been there, guiding us. There are those areas in life that I look back on and wish had never happened—moments of pain, confusion, and sorrow. Yet, the Lord my God led me all the way. If He was leading, then He was there every single second of every minute, walking through the pain with me. This realization brings a deep sense of gratitude, knowing that even in the hardest times, His presence was a constant.

So, in essence, I am GLAD for every experience I have had in my life. They have shaped me into the person I am today. Every trial, every triumph, every unexpected turn has been part of a divine journey. It's easy to see God's hand in the good times, but recognizing His presence in the challenges brings a deeper understanding of His unwavering love and commitment.

Reflecting back on these moments is not just an exercise in nostalgia; it's a way to be encouraged about the journey up to this point. It reminds us of the growth we've experienced, the lessons learned, and the strength we've gained. These reflections on God, our growth, and the joy of the journey can fill us with hope and assurance that He will continue to lead us.

As we reflect, let's take time to acknowledge how far we've come. Let's celebrate the victories, no matter how small, and recognize the ways in which we've been refined and strengthened. Let’s remember that every step, whether on a smooth path or a rocky trail, has been part of His perfect plan. And as we move forward, let's carry these reflections with us, confident that the same God who led us all the way here will continue to guide us in the days to come.

In this journey, let’s not just look back with gratitude but also forward with faith. Faith that every new chapter, no matter how uncertain, is written by the same loving hand. Let’s embrace the unknown, trusting that He who has been with us through every trial and triumph will continue to lead us with wisdom and grace. Reflecting on our past becomes a foundation for our future, reminding us that we are never alone, and that His guidance is our constant companion.